The ‘Good’ Life [Short Story]

Chicken nuggets flew in all directions as I screamed, “Why is nothing right?”

Kayla and Diamond patted me consolingly as I shook with rage. “You can have my nuggets baby,” Kayla said. “It’s not about the nuggets it’s about the principle!” I shouted as I scooted forward and kicked nuggets out of the way. Antonio was about to turn this limo right the fuck around so I could go get those two nuggets. I muttered under my breath as I scooted, “The last straw. Two fucking nuggets. The last straw.”

My mouth was open ready to complain to the driver to turn around so I could get my goddamn nuggets as I slammed my finger on the button for the divider. The divider didn’t move and for a second I stared at the tinted glass. Then I started laughing uncontrollably.

The two girls looked at each other confused. They probably thought I had lost my mind. Maybe I had. I was more than a little drunk but all of these little inconveniences had built up to make my life unbearable. Sure, I’d won the last three lotteries I’d entered but what good is money if everything I bought was wrong?

You think that I’m a spoiled snob being dramatic. Does this sound like the ‘Good Life’?

The red sports car I’d ordered for tonight showed up on my doorstep. It was blue. I called the dealership to rant so they would replace the car and they agreed to send someone out right away with the right color. I took it out today for a test run around town and some dickless piece of shit keyed it while I was wine tasting. What’s more chicken shit than fucking with another man’s automobile? It’s just against the rules.

Anyways, I called my personal mechanic to come out and paint over it in time for my awards ceremony tonight but it was his birthday and he was already too drunk to do anything. So I fired him and called up the limo company to take me instead of messing around with driving. Then on the way to the ceremony I spilled champagne all over the front of my tuxedo. On top of everything, when I was walking to the front of the hall to accept my award I tripped on the stairs and fell hard on stage before rolling off. The crowd laughed along with the nation as this blunder was caught on national television.

My nugget littered limousine was on its way back to my home and I couldn’t stop laughing at the window for not rolling down. I laughed at the nuggets and the girls gaping. Tears rolled down my face as I laughed at my ‘Good Life’.

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